Friday, 30 December 2011

big book of tits

big book of tits. in 3D. what more could a boy want for christmas?

 also available in series:
book of big butts, big book of pussy, big book of legs, book of big penis' (also in 3D)

Thursday, 15 December 2011

generally don't agree with heathen ceremony, but since you've asked...


wishlist

pet rat, record player w/ speakers
10G SD card, 500G external hardrive
nice pair of loafers, desk, sofa

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

maneki nino

prosperity cat fell into my lap. a good omen. one hopes...
Black: Good Times     Red: Bad Times     Blue: Paradoxical Occurrence

17/12/11  stranger at tube station taps me on shoulder and asks if i'd like his travel card. he doesn't need it and it'll save me some money he says. ok, thanks i says.
20/12/11  receive surprise package from the post master. contains a brown floral print pashmina. looks exactly like one i own. in fact, looks just like the one im wearing right now...
21/12/11  that lovely jumper i wanted ages ago but was hesitant to buy becuse it was way too 'spensive just went down 50% in the sales
25/12/11  dinner exploded
28/12/11  man in hardware shop gave me screws for free. they'd lost their sheen and didn't look nice he says. just what i was after i says
30/12/11  'bring a bottle of water and something to piss in'
31/12/11  elf wishes good luck and a happy new year
01/01/12  found a Yorkie bar on the street. unopened. chilled
02/01/12  rats arrive home
03/01/12  somebody didn't eat their baguette. that's a free lunch for me
09/01/12  unexpected 25% discount on a pair of child mittens
10/01/12  boot lace busted. bloody bitch
11/01/12  new school uniform. shiny silver combats. big purple lion. fuck my life...
11/01/12  free lunch. big ol bowl a pesto pasta, (and salad), to take home for dinner. should last a couple days
13/01/12  friday the 13th. could go either way really...
13/01/12  free balloon from Barclays Bank
13/01/12  free drawstring bag from Virgin Active health club
13/01/12  impromptu meetup leads to a shoe sale. ridiculous reduction to £35. down from £110. safe to say Friday 13th was all win
13/01/12  hat rape. seriously unpleased
14/01/12  a most depressing of most fucking depressing days. kill me now, BANG!
14/01/12  fucked the photocopier
14/01/12  'raise your swagger. wear True Religion'. insulted. how embarrassing
16/01/12  er, happy birthday to me?
16/01/12  cute lady in cafe gave me free cookie with my pot of tea. x
16/01/12  the only thing this colds been good for is keeping my sack of fish fresh
16/01/12  randomer offers a sweet in another cafe. not so cute but nice still
18/01/12  free face mask
18/01/12  Rebecca. oo la la
20/01/12  happy birthday to me again. presents this time, Ratatouille!
20/01/12  found £5 in da club
21/01/12  12pm start. love days like these
21/01/12  'FUCKING PERFECT!'
21/01/12  'anything but clothes'. not. my. scene.
22/01/12  02.50am phone call. don't think so mate
23/01/12  i'm sure there was something important i had to do today...
24/01/12  one week since glitter incident. piss still sparkles
25/01/12  Snack Shortcake bar hangs loose in the vending machine. *peeks around corner* yardie kick. that bitch is mine!
26/01/12  is this mother fucker high!?
27/01/12  'i'm so happy you're not rubbish'
28/01/12  emergency Milky Bar time
30/01/12  rat ate headphones
31/01/12  £5 HMV voucher
05/02/12  midnight sledging
06/02/12  guests!?
09/02/12  she put it back
10/02/12  seat E14. my lucky number
14/02/12  found pound in the mosha meen
17/02/12  'don't come in till 1'. alright, back to bed then
18/02/12  it's a lurgy
26/02/12  the evangelista is moving out. hally-loo-yah!
27/02/12  jazz man john and his band of merry men invite us in to their tow
01/03/12  you don't like? oh well, i'll have it then
02/03/12  'dark horse, come with me to the toilet...'
02/03/12  '...i have a tiny vagina'
03/03/12  worst saturday ever. you can fuck right off
03/03/12  'look, if i ask for it and he takes me into a little white room and puts rubber gloves on i won't be fucking happy. do you understand?'
04/03/12  busted friendship bracelet. must be some kind of unluck attached to that
05/03/12  free pot of tea? thank you very much bro
06/03/12  <3 <3 <3
07/03/12  gust of wind launches hat out into the road. taxi bobs and weves trying to avoid running it over. brave stranger jumps out in front of taxi and grabs it. hat is returned to owner. proof right there that this city really loves me
07/03/12  'you are always positive'
07/03/12  two 50 pence pieces. that's a pound. and is now mine
09/03/12  oh Marie, oo - la - la!
10/03/12  good nights sleep means i'm ahead of the curve
10/03/12  secret 20 pence compartment
10/03/12  you have magic handshake. feel like prostitute
10/03/12  'so i'll be down in the basement, yeah...'
10/03/12  denim cut off, crop topping whore house hell
10/03/12  being identified as a potential drug dealer is always flattering. you cunt
11/03/12  poltergeist kicked the curtain down
17/03/12  modern man
24/03/12  'mate, you wear a bowler hat. the world is right'
28/03/12  which rat thought it'd be a good idea to gnaw through flatmates network cable? i'm happy you've shown loyalty but it's cost me 20 quid
28/03/12  ...temporarily deprived of shit house and Beyonce
29/03/12  fairweather people, where were you when the sun didn't shine? now get the fuck off my spot
02/04/12  rats be gerbils
07/04/12  brighton hajj
09/04/12  she touched me ♥
11/04/12  behold mouse haven
13/04/12  Friday 13 again...
13/04/12  fancy meeting up tonight? (should've said no...)
14/04/12  xenophobic surrounded by french
14/04/12  'one of us here has to be exotic'
14/04/12  should've bought our own meat
14/04/12  i'm not your bruv, bruv
15/04/12  a bowtie away from the nation of islam
16/04/12  i think i'm in your house...
20/04/12  vending machine. loose kitkat. drop kick. mine
23/04/12  you dress very nice. like a singer

...

20/04/13  another year, another homosexual proposition
21/04/13  'hey big guy. i like your style'

...

05/07/15  'and that'll be £1.50 please'
12/07/15  your mixture is wrong. sculpture fail
12/07/15  hey, the model won't be available until mid August... 

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

no miracles


the answer to Q1. is Moses not Morgan Freeman.
my middle finger' for Q2 would similarly be inaccurate.
as for the rest? i really couldn't give a...

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

smash bang dollop

smash, bang, walloped was the state i received them in, (thanks mate).
ramshackle presentation though is not enough to delay munching of pretty little cupcakes.
reminds a bit of our nino paulito cookie challenge
set for Bluebirdcage earlier this year.
the Smash Bang Dollop cupcake vendor can be found
in Spitalfields Market. Go see and buy your own...

Thursday, 1 December 2011

tofurkey

first ever thanksgiving celebration. a vegetarian one.
weird marshmallow salad aside, it was great.


*thankful for the photo above. look ike a cunt chief